The concept of choices has been consuming my thoughts recently. Albert Camus said,”Life is a sum of all your choices” and this intrigues me in a mildly depressing way. For the past few weeks, I have been questioning the major choices (and thus, ramifications) I have made in my life – the decision to fly (= 2 best friends), the decision to study in Australia (= bills and debt), the decision to end a 4 year relationship (= living with my parents) and the decision to join my current workplace (= anxiety, stress, exposure).
I wonder about the shift of lifestyle had I made an alternative choice – gone left, instead of right. At the end of the day, I am powerfully aware that not making these choices would leave me with even more regret and wonder. Or would it? This is my life, these are the choices I have made – regret doesn’t spin the world back on its axis – just makes it move ahead that much slower.
A dream I had this afternoon during an unusually fleeting nap saw me losing 4 teeth. Completely freaked out, I Googled it and these were the possible sub conscious reasons:
- Anxiety about perception of my image
- Being embarrassed
- Powerlessness and frustration of not being heard
- Fear of getting older (shit, this even permeates my sub-conscious)
- A financial windfall
I’ve got my fingers crossed for the last point to come true.