The Late Bloomer.

As my wedding date draws closer (how did it go from a year to 2 months left?), I’m beginning to feel the significance of this change in my life. And believe me, it’s not about a wedding. A wedding is just a great excuse to get our closest together for a party with 5-minute vows (at most!) thrown in.

It’s made me realise that I’m standing fairly alone in this life shift. My best friends and sister experienced all this more than 10 years ago. They all had weddings within three years of each other, their kids are the same age and through it all, I happily dated and had a great single life. They discussed bridesmaid dresses, wedding flowers, morning sickness, birthing scars, breast vs bottle feeding and now, they talk about exams and advanced school placement.

I always seem to have been one step ahead, behind, but rarely beside the people in my life. And now, I make wedding plans alone because nobody I know is in the same boat. But like I said, a wedding is just a day.

As a freelancer who works from home and prefers to keep the number of clients to a minimum, I will be finding myself with a vast amount of “downtime” once I get married and move in with my soon-to-be husband. The friends I had who were “housewives”, have now had their children, grown their children and are back to work, 10 years later. I’m also 39 years old, with what I suspect to be a fairly dusty uterus.

So where does this leave me at this stage, where I want to relax and enjoy taking care of my man and the marriage but not get unbelievably bored out of my mind?

Here are possible, mostly bad, ideas:


Come on. Every chick does it. Plus I can actually cook and bake. Minus the complete saturation of the food blogging world, I essentially eat the same damn thing every day and frankly, that would not be the spice of life.


When I met my betrothed, the market he works in was in a somewhat slump so he had a lot of time to chat and essentially woo me. Now, things have changed (good for him, I know) but this means that he actually works at work and the code for me to shut up is “I have some stuff to settle here…”. I do realise this tactic is not sustainable or attractive so I’ll find something else to do.


Hahaha, ok next.


I actually used to love to paint – mostly abstract, emotive, monochromatic pieces and I’m going to be starting with a feature piece for the new apartment. There’s still only so many walls one can fit a canvas on – but it normally takes me a week or two to actually complete a piece.


Yeah, this is going to be easy. Trying to make new friends past the age of 25 is a damn near impossibility unless there’s some kind of Craigslist group of almost-40 women about to get married. If anything, I’m dropping them like flies.

Or… all of the above!

The Big Move

So, this is something that surprises a lot of people – my boyfriend and I don’t officially live together. We’ve been dating for 3 years and engaged for 6 months but I’ve made the deliberate decision to not move in with him until we are married. So if he hadn’t proposed, we would have been one of those elderly couples who do lunch visits (which actually sounds quite lovely).

I decided that I would only move in once we get married because I wanted the wedding to have a wider significance attached to it – not just a ceremony but actually go through the old-fashioned notion of having an actual next step to climb together, with butterflies, rediscovery and a fresh world of things to argue about!

Note: This is no judgement to anyone who’ve made any life choices different to mine. Live your life, I don’t give a shit.

Here are the wonderful things I have to look forward to!

Living With a Boy

Boys, in general, are gross. While on the record, I have nothing but wonderful things to say about the man I’m affianced to (for e.g.: he’s never left the toilet seat up), he loves leaving dishes to “soak”. He almost never remembers to water the plants (about 10 have died to date). He leaves evidence of the trimming of his masterful beard about the sink. And he never adjusts the towels to line up – yes, I know it’s all very Sleeping With The Enemy, but seriously, who doesn’t line up their towels.

Remote Control

I’m obsessed with all of the Real Housewives shows, and yes, E! shows too – you can judge me all you want, I legit love those shows more than your opinion. I also watch a healthy balance of quality TV and you know what, unless you’ve watched a solid season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, don’t come for me. However, when do I get to watch these shows when we live together? How will he get to watch House of Cards (I refuse to watch it because I cannot handle that much breaking of the fourth wall)? Do I have to wait for him to get home to watch Game of Thrones (never gonna happen, sorry). Maybe I can convert him with my love for Erika Girardi.

Fight, No Flight

Right now, arguing with him, is actually fairly painless. This is because we have own safe spaces, we don’t have to sort everything out immediately and the silent treatment is a lot easier with some distance. So, this means once I move in, we’ll have to argue like all other couples – passive-aggressively over text during the day and face-to-face that evening. That sounds exhausting. And no, I don’t believe in that “don’t go to bed angry” nonsense.

The Mystery of Mystery

I’m very proud of the fact, that after 3 years, I’ve maintained some semblance of mystery of the female (or at least, I’d like to think that…). My clothes hang in a separate room, we’ve never used the bathroom in front of each other (and that would not be changing), heck, I barely walk around naked (I’d like to think this maintains the illusion of what, I don’t know…). However, there’s only so much one can keep under wraps when you’re living together – debilitating cramps, midnight snacking, face masks, the amount of hair maintenance that I require…

Wish us luck!

Wedding Bliss or Miss?

Whoever says that the engagement period is the best time of your life, is either delusional, out-of-touch, a liar or did not plan their own wedding.

In the span of 4 months, I’ve had about a million meltdowns and at least 1 major breakdown – which involved me sobbing in the arms of my  betrothed, who held me, bewildered under the misapprehension that choosing flowers and designing invites would be fun.

Here are all the ways it’s been FUN to plan a wedding.

1. Family Drama


This is everyone else’s wedding, didn’t you know? If you think it’s yours, HAHAHA. The requests and demands will leave you in tears and this is only the FIRST stage of planning – choosing the date. Give up your dreams of having the perfect anniversary date now.

2. The Delusion of Over-Achieving


This is the early phase of wedding planning: the “I can do it all!” and “How difficult can it be?” You convince yourself that once the venue and dress is set, everything else will naturally fall into place. I mean, how difficult can it be to choose some flowers and order a cake?

3. The Missing Minister


Having no real referrals for the right person to marry us, this hunt has proven to be odd, to say the least. Apparently finding a solemnizer in February for a wedding in December is way too advanced planning, or everyone is travelling or an estranged family member of one of our guests. True story. Recommendations welcome.

4. Let The Mini Meltdowns Begin!


I feel really sorry for my boyfriend (I find it pretentious to use the word “fiance”) – who put in months of planning the perfect proposal and enjoyed it for exactly ONE day before his doe-eyed love turned in a raging Bridezilla on a stampede. He now gets the enjoy my weekly headaches, rants against every hotel and venue in town and me turning down his every offer for help (like I’d let a boy choose the flowers).

5. It Costs How Much?!


Holy shit, weddings are expensive, I don’t care if you start off with the “small and simple” concept you agreed on when you were wrapped in each other’s arms. Once you peel the other person off, you’d realise that weddings are a billion dollar industry for a reason.

6. The Engagement Anxiety


This is a real thing. My man and I were at each other’s throats for a large chunk of this allegedly-blissful engagement period until we read up on “engagement anxiety” and how every little annoyance (does he really need to soak the dishes for 3 days?) makes you wonder, “Is he going to be like this for the rest of our lives??” (Yes.) Every tiny flaw becomes amplified (if you had sushi, wash the plate right away!) but eventually that too shall pass. For now.

7. Fake It Till You Make It


Get used to the phrase “It’ll look roughly the same as the picture, but a little different”. You’ll get it from florists, bakers, printers – and generally live in fear until the wedding day, afraid of the potential monstrosities that await you.

8. The Final Meltdown


I can joke about it now, but weeks leading up to the Meltdown Of All Time (MOAT), I’ve had daily headaches, teeth grinding, stomach problems, uncontrollable rage and tears until I finally ended up sobbing about all my problems, problems that haven’t happened yet, the photographer that stiffed us, why I’m not losing weight, that my dog is getting older and that I can’t manage everything on my own but no-one can help me. Which leads to the next stage…

9. Send Help


Accepting that I need help isn’t easy for someone like me, who’s capable as all hell. But trying to plan a wedding, an apartment move, co-ordinate printers, hotels, family, florists, bakers, candlestick makers; and handle the emotional stress of actually making a life-altering decision is not easy or possible for one human being. I cave.

A Bride At Any Age…

I’ve never watched “Say Yes to the Dress” and I’m about to get married at 39 years old. That’s a lot of non-preparation.

10 years ago, I happily watched my sister, my best friend and peers get married. Since then, I’ve truly embraced my life as a single woman (honestly, it’s a blast if you do it right) and last December on my birthday, my sweet boyfriend proposed to me.

Don’t get me wrong, it was something I always hoped for and nagged about pretty much since the moment we met – but 3 years in, a girl has to let some stuff go to live. So now, I find myself in new territory.

The most crucial issues have to be addressed first! What about the dress?! “I don’t want a wedding dress”, I declared! “You’re a crazy bitch!”, my sister responded. I knew exactly what I didn’t want – nothing traditional, poufy, white or bridal.


Bridal store assistants pursed their lips at me. My mother and sister turned their heads away from my dress choices. My email to our cake store started with, “I’d like to order a non-wedding wedding cake”.

In fact, here’s a picture of me in a bridal store in my Van Halen t-shirt (wearing a moodstone choker, no less).

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

And then it slowly came upon me, my reluctance to be a bride. This is a slightly surreal moment for me, a moment I didn’t anticipate or plan to have at 39. Yes, everyone has different life stages and there’s no wrong age to get married if you’ve found love.

But I wasn’t prepared for it. I’m not a 28-year old girl in a 2 year relationship who can see where things are heading. I’m turning 39, headed to the proverbial alter with a man 5 years my junior.


But the moment arrived and I found myself completely unprepared. Nobody I know had gotten married recently – no-one had photographers or make-up artists to recommend. Nobody knew how much anything cost anymore.


All this made me feel isolated and if I couldn’t get a grasp on this bridal situation, how could I convince myself to be a bride? All this coupled with a few dramatic moments and vicious rumours really deterred me from feeling any form of bridal.


It’s taken me 3 months to come round and hop aboard the SS Bridal Brigade but here I am! I’m not talking a ballgown wedding dress or anything, let’s not go nuts – but I’m starting to get enthusiastic about the notion of me being a “bride”.


Whatever the hell that means.

5 Awesome Robert Downey Jr Movies That AREN’T Iron Man.

I know everyone loves Iron Man. He’s funny, sarcastic, seemingly impervious – basically, he’s Robert Downey Jr in a suit with sick ass commentary. I get it. I also loathe it. This is because I’ve loved Robert Downey Jr movies since I was younger, and yes, I know he was also not leading the healthiest life then. Disclaimers done (why is this world so damn obsessed with disclaimers).

Chances Are

chances are

This was one of the first RDJ movies I’ve ever seen – and I still watch it till today. RDJ plays a character who gets an aware reincarnated soul. He plays erratic comedy perfectly. Bonus points to this movie for having that awesome song at the end, “After All” by Cher and Peter Cetera. It is was the 80s. I will say that he was slightly shadowed by Cybill Shepherd and Ryan O’Neal.

Less Than Zero


Ok, I know this one was art imitating life, and RDJ playing a drug addict was a little too close to home. I’m biased about this movie though because I’m a huge Bret Easton Ellis fan and this was probably the only movie adaptation that I kinda enjoyed. If you enjoyed American Psycho the movie, you probably haven’t read the book.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang


I’ve watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang so many times and I can’t recommend it enough. It is absolutely hilarious and most importantly, SMART. The chemistry between RDJ and Val Kilmer is killer – with Kilmer out-talking RDJ every time (yes, someone can out-talk RDJ).

Home For The Holidays


The best Thanksgiving movie ever, and I’m not even American. RDJ was fantastic in this, although mildly eclipsed by Anne Bancroft, but then again, it’s Anne Bancroft. It’s RDJ improvising a supporting character so well that it brings out the best from the rest of the stellar cast.

Tropic Thunder


And the winner would of course have to be RDJ’s Kirk Lazarus – an American playing an Australian playing an African American. It’s like character-ception and I have no idea how anyone can prefer Iron Man to Kirk Lazarus. He plays this to perfection and was robbed of the Oscar! Who won that year anyway! (Urgh Heath Ledger for Batman, whatevs, he should have won for Brokeback Mountain for sure)

Other honourable mentions include: Gothika (yes I like it more than Iron Man) and Only You.

Thanks for playing!