I’ve had Dolce for 7 years now. I got her when I was part of a couple, and now, I’ve had her as a single (for half her life). I can’t explain why I wanted a chihuahua so badly, it wasn’t for the jewelry. I just knew it HAD to be a chihuahua. We spent weekends in Brisbane looking for the perfect one and of all the dogs to choose from, I picked the most problematic one. These are the lessons Dolce has taught me. (Yes, there were supposed to be two chihuahas, but after I got Dolce, the notion of getting a “Gabbana” was quickly abandoned)
Get a chihuahua if:
You have a family and are not single
All dogs don’t like to be alone but Dolce has these crazy lunatic “ERRRMAAAGERRRDDD MOMMY’S HOMMMMMEEEEE” attacks whenever I’m in a 5-km radius around home. She runs around, throws herself on the door, runs up the stairs, runs down the stairs and then finally has a reversed trachea attack (more on that later). If it wasn’t for the support of my family, it would be tough for me to have a social life that would allow me to stay out all night (what? clubs open till late now) or go on vacations.
You want a dog that you have sat on
My ex-boyfriend threw his whole body weight on the sofa and smushed our little 3-month old chihuahua in the process. She was alright but I suspect some mental damage occurred.
You want a dog that you have to carry around
Initially, this was super cute when she was 500grams. Then, she ballooned into some sort of Yao Ming chihuahua at a whopping 4.3kg and walks to the beach end up with me carrying her tubby ass home.
You want a dog that wedges herself everywhere
Chihuahuas are burrowers – they love crawling under blankets (I lost her there once) and wedging herself right against your body, or in her case, her favorite place, between my legs (hey, who can blame her?). This results in cramped legs and being pushed off my own bed by a chihuahua.
You want a dog with health problems
Dolce has every small dog health problem: reversed trachea (sounds like an asthma attack), heart murmur, ear infections, impacted anal glands (yes, this is exactly how it sounds) and luxating patellas. (Pic was her after a bee sting, which she, of course, was allergic to)
You want a dog with social problems
Unfortunately, I think Dolce was from a puppy mill which means poor breeding and as a result she has poor socialisation skills. I’ve sent her to puppy kindergarten (yes) where the specialist diagnosed this as a form of “doggy autism” and I had an epic crying breakdown right in front of this large Australian woman who had no idea what to do. Dolce is petrified of all other dogs – from fluffy puppies to lazy seniors. As a result, she’s a little dog-lonely, but I don’t think she notices.
You want a dog that doesn’t eat a lot of dog food but wants all your food
Dolce wants ALL YOUR food. If you want her to be your friend, just have food. This bundle of nerves will suddenly transform into Lassie if you have bacon. She loves durian and fro-yo.
Every guy you’ve ever dated puts you in the “Paris Hilton” high-maintenance box
I understand the association but I don’t see why my having a chihuahua would have anything to do with my high-maintenance form. That comes from a whole lot of other things.
You want a dog can will sleep anywhere
Dolce can sleep anywhere – on my table, on my mouse, on my feet, on my hands, under blankets, under beds. She’s quite gifted.
I love Dolce. Remember, a pet is for life.
