Miscellaneous Archives - noellelynn writes

July 3, 2013

Get A Chihuahua If:

I’ve had Dolce for 7 years now. I got her when I was part of a couple, and now, I’ve had her as a single (for half her life). I can’t explain why I wanted a chihuahua so badly, it wasn’t for the jewelry. I just knew it HAD to be a chihuahua. We spent weekends in Brisbane looking for the perfect one and of all the dogs to choose from, I picked the most problematic one. These are the lessons Dolce has taught me. (Yes, there were supposed to be two chihuahas, but after I got Dolce, the notion of getting a “Gabbana” was quickly abandoned)

Get a chihuahua if:

You have a family and are not single

All dogs don’t like to be alone but Dolce has these crazy lunatic “ERRRMAAAGERRRDDD MOMMY’S HOMMMMMEEEEE” attacks whenever I’m in a 5-km radius around home. She runs around, throws herself on the door, runs up the stairs, runs down the stairs and then finally has a reversed trachea attack (more on that later). If it wasn’t for the support of my family, it would be tough for me to have a social life that would allow me to stay out all night (what? clubs open till late now) or go on vacations.

You want a dog that you have sat on

My ex-boyfriend threw his whole body weight on the sofa and smushed our little 3-month old chihuahua in the process. She was alright but I suspect some mental damage occurred.

You want a dog that you have to carry around

Initially, this was super cute when she was 500grams. Then, she ballooned into some sort of Yao Ming chihuahua at a whopping 4.3kg and walks to the beach end up with me carrying her tubby ass home.

You want a dog that wedges herself everywhere

Chihuahuas are burrowers – they love crawling under blankets (I lost her there once) and wedging herself right against your body, or in her case, her favorite place, between my legs (hey, who can blame her?). This results in cramped legs and being pushed off my own bed by a chihuahua.

You want a dog with health problems

Dolce has every small dog health problem: reversed trachea (sounds like an asthma attack), heart murmur, ear infections, impacted anal glands (yes, this is exactly how it sounds) and luxating patellas. (Pic was her after a bee sting, which she, of course, was allergic to)

You want a dog with social problems

Unfortunately, I think Dolce was from a puppy mill which means poor breeding and as a result she has poor socialisation skills. I’ve sent her to puppy kindergarten (yes) where the specialist diagnosed this as a form of “doggy autism” and I had an epic crying breakdown right in front of this large Australian woman who had no idea what to do. Dolce is petrified of all other dogs – from fluffy puppies to lazy seniors. As a result, she’s a little dog-lonely, but I don’t think she notices.

You want a dog that doesn’t eat a lot of dog food but wants all your food

Dolce wants ALL YOUR food. If you want her to be your friend, just have food. This bundle of nerves will suddenly transform into Lassie if you have bacon. She loves durian and fro-yo.

Every guy you’ve ever dated puts you in the “Paris Hilton” high-maintenance box

I understand the association but I don’t see why my having a chihuahua would have anything to do with my high-maintenance form. That comes from a whole lot of other things.

You want a dog can will sleep anywhere

Dolce can sleep anywhere – on my table, on my mouse, on my feet, on my hands, under blankets, under beds. She’s quite gifted.

I love Dolce. Remember, a pet is for life.

March 2, 2010

3 Things for 3.10

Ok, I have decided to make my March of 2010 a giving month – giving to myself, at least. But if someone else benefits from these gifts, way to go!

I have placed 3 things on a list of what I would like to add to my life:

1. Tattoo

It’s time to get some new ink. The first tattoo I ever got is on my lower right back and I chose it when I was shitfaced, post champagne brunch. It is (ostensibly) a yin-yang symbol, with swirls around it. I’m fine with the yin-yang symbol – it’s the swirls and horizontal placement that bug me. I would therefore, like it amended/altered with the addition of a Pegasus.

I have long wanted to add a Pegasus but had no clue where to put it. I’m not one for obvious locations like the arm (although I wouldn’t mind a shoulder blade, but that would be one big ass horse) so I figured the best place would be the continue on the lower back. (Nothing on the front, since I already have another tattoo on lower left abdomen – drum score from a Rush song).

So, I’ve got take a picture of my existing tattoo, send it over to a cousin’s friend (who’s an awesome tattoo artist) and see what mojo he can do. The reason why I’ve wanted a Pegasus is because the horse has featured prominently in my life. I am born in the Year of the Horse (according to the Chinese Zodiac calendar) and I’m also a Sagittarius. So, instead of just getting a regular horse on my back, why not a pretty one with wings? A unicorn might be a little too much.

2. Watch

The last time I used a watch religiously was during my flight attendant days (yes, yes…) for the obviously punctuality needs and I couldn’t very well be checking my cellphone during flights. Since then, I’d abandoned my one watch and haven’t used one since. I do have a compulsive need to check the time so have now decided to incorporate a watch into my outfit. I have no idea what kind I want to get but I do have one severe limitation: I find it challenging to read analog time. I revert to a 6 year old child who’s just learning how to tell time. I’m better if the watch/clock has those lines but if you give me a blank face with dots for 12, 3, 6 and 9 – I would just make it up. So, this watch needs to be something that is fairly thin (since I use the computer everyday), is in digital time and pretty. The search continues.

3. Holiday

This holiday may not happen exactly in March but am looking at the first week of April which means planning has to be done in March. Yes, that’s right. I’m a holiday planner. I am not a Lonely Planet kinda girl – the kind that decides on location the day before she flies on and lands in a foreign land with a backpack to search for a hostel. Hostel is a hostile word.

I like my luggage on wheels and not sharing accommodation. I also like arranging my hotel transfers in advance and having a good idea of what to expect from the location and where the hotspots are. I know it doesn’t sound very exciting and maybe in this area, I am not very exciting but I don’t see being prepared as the anti-thesis of fun. My basic beach holidays start off with early, big breakfasts, lazing on the beach, drunk before noon, poolside by the evening and out at night. I’m not that dull (but in the grand scheme of holiday exploring, I’m pathetic). I suppose if I wanted to be really Kerouac about it, I could but that would completely freak me out.

February 14, 2010

Friends Divided.

The topic of friendship has been on my mind for several weeks now.

The art of making friends and keeping friends gets increasingly difficult as I get older. I consider myself discerning (over discerning, at that) towards the friends I keep and I find myself with fewer and fewer true friends of whose company I truly and wholly enjoy.

Of course, I am aware that I am solely responsible for my destiny.

Making Friends

I see a few problems with trying to make new friends, in this day, age and time.

Breaking into a new group
Usually, the person you’re interested in being friends with already has an existing group of friends – this means you will have finagle some alone time or be the newbie in this new group. There’s no guarantee that the entire group will be friendly to you, but you have to stomach it if this person is worth it. It’s also a good way to gauge if your new friend is genuine about being your friend.
Commonalities
I have found that the first few times you hang out or get to know this new friend is hardly enough to determine if you guys can be BFFs. It’s only through the slightly deeper discussions about the usual topics like boys and jobs do you realise how alike your values are. The last thing I want to feel is judged for my choices or even worse, judge someone else for theirs. I also wouldn’t want to feel like the slut of the group or conversely, the prude.

I have always found it difficult to find friends that cover the gamut of things I enjoy, especially female friends. It’s pretty hard to find a girlfriend that loves dancing for 6 hours straight to RnB, wouldn’t mind getting drunk at 11am on beach vacations and would go for a Kool & The Gang as well as a Nine Inch Nails concert. I have come to realise that this is impossible to find in just the one girlfriend. (That’s why people have significant others – so they’re forced to do all these things with you…)
Fear of rejection
Trying to find a new friend is definitely like trying to date someone. You have to be slightly shameless in asking them out or trying to integrate yourself in their group. You also to be mildly persistent and be prepared that you may not be accepted or invited to join this friendship. Unfortunately, I completely have no balls to face the fear of rejection and often find myself giving up after 1 or 2 attempts.

Keeping Friends

This is the hard part. I’ve failed to keep any of my good friends from high school with me and even now, I still think it’s impossible because I find the differences too vast – in terms of values (since I have none) and part of me knows that I am unwilling to try.

I made my best friends when I was 25 years old, and we met when we were flying. I truly believe that we had a bunch of good times, as much as any bunch of girls could. But our paths have slowly deviated from each other, and what appeared to be parallel has now taken turns from the same route. One of them is married and about to have her second child. Beyond the truly happy feelings I have for her blessed family, it also signifies a deep change in our relationship. Gone will be the days of drunken partying and after-hour suppers and instead, will continue our starting tradition of dinner at 6 in the evenings and quarter year partying. Her life as a family woman is strong and commitments solidified – and I would have to fit myself into her lifestyle and I don’t really see it going any other way. I am in no way resentful of this, I celebrate her happiness but I miss her. How selfish is that. 🙂

And then there’s my other best friend. She is recently married and obviously, space is needed to establish a new routine and life to support the move. I have to come to realise a dependency on her presence in my life (and yes, this is where it gets a little sad in my life’s representation) – she’s the sole person I rely on to get my party groove on and I am finding this both unreliable (she has a life, duh) and unfair for me to put this all on one person (and also, not very wise).

——

So… what now? Is making new friends past thirty impossible? Should I resign myself to knitting in bed on a Friday night while watching a rerun of Law and Order*? And no, a man is not the same thing as a best friend, not even close. I have decided to try and be a little ballsy and get me a few friends to hang and just have good times with. Good luck to me!

*This is not currently happening. At least, not the knitting part.

January 13, 2010

Life favours the young.

The subject of procreation rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times. It’s almost like an annoying child that keeps trying to interrupt adult conversation, only to say something completely nonsensical and irrelevant (as children often do).

The very meaning of “life” – existence, creating new life – is a concept that is best exercised while young. I can think of almost no benefits of being a mature parent – other than having more life experience but not enough energy to extend it.

Based on medical reasons alone, it is far more advantageous to have a child when you’re younger (we’re talking below 30’s here), which I think is really unfair (we’ll get to that later).

Getting Pregnant in the first place

Your fertility drops when you hit 30 and onwards – which to me, makes no sense. You’d think that your body would understand that you’ve wanted to spend your time progressing your career, finding the right life partner, creating a comfortable home environment and thus let the amniotic fluids flow like the rivers of Babylon. But no, instead, you are your most fertile when you are your most stupid (teenage years) and want to have the most fun (20’s). It’s like Nature is fiercely determined to mock your life.

Over the years, the dinner and cocktail conversation has been moving further from “in heat” to “in vitro” – from “dirty weekends” to “conception weekends”. As my generation progresses, so does the ever consuming need to go forth and multiply. Turns out, the capability you cursed in the disco days, is a luxury you now long for. A missed period used to catch your breath in fear, now in excitement.

The Pregnancy Bloom

I believe this bloom to be a myth. I have yet to meet a woman who blossoms during her pregnancy, with rosy cheeks and a gait to her step. Instead, I’ve had meals with more than one expectant woman who can could barely eat and those that could eat, would – mid-sentence – dash to the bathroom for the hourly session of regurgitation. I’ve heard the complaints of having to buy new shoes for expanding feet and seen a foetus’ elbow stick out of a woman’s midsection (and if you think that is disturbing, it’s even more scarring to see the woman nudge it back in). I’ve seen the nipples, the scars, the failed breast-feeding attempts and that’s just wrong.

Perhaps the most disconcerting is the health issues a mature woman faces when she gets pregnant. They are more susceptible to miscarriages, premature births and other pregnancy related illnesses. For the baby, they are more at risk of Down’s Syndrome and other abnormalities. The whole pregnancy is awash with worry, nervousness and painful (and pricey) testing.

So there’s a baby, now what?

After all that, you got the baby. Big whoop. Now, you’re probably at the height of your career and either exhaust yourself trying to maintain it and raise a prodigy or you have to take a step down from the career ladeer for sanity’s sake. And by the time you turn 60, your child is barely out of university and faces the financial task of having to eventually care for you.

Closing Argument

I believe Nature had engineered youth as the ideal time for child-manufacturing because our life expectancy was a lot shorter than before. But due to our own uncontrollable intelligence to lengthen our life span and carve a semblance of a career (beyond tending to our cavemen, cave-chiselling men), we’ve evolved past our bodies and what they are capable of doing best. I don’t know if our bodies would ever catch up, but I do wish that it was at least an even playing field at any age. Either you’re 25 with children, regretting not doing more with your life – or you’re 35, with a high-flying career yet trying to suppress the biological clock. Is it really impossible to not have it all? Even if you can have it all, would you be any good at it?

I would like to end this post by saying that I do not have children. At this point of my life, I have no desire to have children. This is mostly because I don’t like children and subscribe to ye’ ole’ mentality of “children should be seen and not heard”. I find them an entirely too sassy bunch nowdays. I hate being ambushed by acquaintances showing me pictures of their children and me, being lost for words. My latest remark/mumble was, “Oh… looks… like you”. I kick kids ankles at McDonald’s when they get in my way. I believe a lot of people have children either out of narcissism or boredom.

But for all this talk, it would be nice to know that if I wanted to have a child at some point of my life, it wouldn’t be too late.

CaitlinColouring — So far, the only kid I like (my god-daughter).

January 4, 2010

Shit from 2009. Shit for 2010.

The usual New Year post. I find it amusing/interesting how one day can inspire an abundance of emotions – hope (for the New Year ahead to be good), relief (that the previous year is behind you), wonderment (“How fast did this year fly by?”), sadness (that time is flying by so quickly), under-achievement (of not fulfilling plans and resolutions for the year before) and over-achievement (plans and resolutions for the year ahead).

My emotions for a new year are usually poignant, tinged with cynical hope. What a difference a day makes. And in the morning light of January the 1st, you realise that nothing has changed, everything will be the same, the year will still proceed as quickly as the ones it follows and resolutions and the best laid plans will soon be forgotten. It will still take me several weeks (at best) to get accustomed to writing the new date.

Of course, the usual mental stock-take occurs – accomplishments, mistakes, friends lost and found, good nights out, bad nights in, lost vacation time, spending too much money on your wardrobe, spending too little time on yourself – the proverbial scales fight to gain balance when the clock strikes 12.

Suffice to say, I have not lead the most exciting life (in 2009 or any other year…) but I still enjoy a mini stock-take as much as the next person. So, here is my pitiful offering to the New Year Gods, in the sad hope that 2010 would be a year I enjoy growing older in.

Shit from 2009

Enjoyed 2 stellar performances (fulfilling life dreams) from Nine Inch Nails and Aimee Mann.
Discovered a small patch of beach on Pasir Ris just for Dolce and myself
Officially turned 30
Made some new friends (people I actually like)
Experienced alcohol induced memory loss (for the first and second time)
Learnt to never go on vacation with a morning sickness stricken pregnant woman
Finally started watching Californication (yes, this made my list!)
Discovered I am not an emotional wasteland
Discovered the joys of cuddling
Discovered the potency of mixing a codeine based cough syrup with Zyrtec (yes, that made the list too!)

Shit for 2010

Will get a new phone in February (so long, you pink piece of crap!)
Will finally get my bicycle (When? Who knows!)
Need to learn how to drive (yes, this is a roll-over from the Great Resolutions of 2008)
Will continue my 2009 resolution of having a massage every month (was surprisingly diligent about this!)
Learn how to give my brain a creative break
Get a new job (can I shift this to No.1?)
To actually see more performances and concerts (instead of just getting excited about it and then procrastinating with buying tickets)
Get my IC done (this should probably be No.1 since I think I’m hitting illegal status and expect to be exiled to Timbuktu with short to little notice)
Have a holiday outside of Asia (a pipe-dream!)
Start a proper, grown-up savings account (also, a pipe-dream!)

So, really, not a whole lot of exciting things but I figure it could be a whole lot worse. In the meantime, Happy New Year!