Posted on

The choices we make.

The concept of choices has been consuming my thoughts recently. Albert Camus said,”Life is a sum of all your choices” and this intrigues me in a mildly depressing way. For the past few weeks, I have been questioning the major choices (and thus, ramifications) I have made in my life – the decision to fly (= 2 best friends), the decision to study in Australia (= bills and debt), the decision to end a 4 year relationship (= living with my parents) and the decision to join my current workplace (= anxiety, stress, exposure).

I wonder about the shift of lifestyle had I made an alternative choice – gone left, instead of right. At the end of the day, I am powerfully aware that not making these choices would leave me with even more regret and wonder. Or would it? This is my life, these are the choices I have made – regret doesn’t spin the world back on its axis – just makes it move ahead that much slower.

A dream I had this afternoon during an unusually fleeting nap saw me losing 4 teeth. Completely freaked out, I Googled it and these were the possible sub conscious reasons:

  1. Anxiety about perception of my image
  2. Being embarrassed
  3. Powerlessness and frustration of not being heard
  4. Fear of getting older (shit, this even permeates my sub-conscious)
  5. A financial windfall

I’ve got my fingers crossed for the last point to come true.

Posted on

Am I becoming a girl now?

Ok, taking into consideration that I am on hormone pills (in a non menopausal HRT way) and fresh off PMS, I have recently found myself oddly, oddly moved by this damn movie trailer – The Time Traveler’s Wife. I do love a good Eric Bana movie (minus that Hulk monstrosity, of course) and when I say this trailer moved me, I mean it moved me to tears. In the bloody office.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USUDlMBR-dQ]

Movies used to be the only medium that could make me cry (not even my sad, real life could do that) but things have changed now. I’ve become that person that cries all the time. I have weekly weep-fests at night over the state and result of my life (which isn’t that bad in the light of day but the nights are usually hardest, aren’t they?), I even coo at strangers children (well, the cute ones at least). And today, I spent my lunch hour looking at wedding venues. Wedding venues! For whose wedding?! I don’t plan on getting married or having children soon – so why in good God am I doing these things, feeling these emotions, pondering these choices?

2 possible reasons exist that can explain this bizarre scenario. One: I have closed myself off from these choices due to emotional ambivalence before and now, I’m opening up to the possibilities of not being such a hard ass. Two: The ever present, ever ticking biological clock. No matter how much to try to quell the tick-tock with logic and lots of career plans, it’s there – like the pea under the Princess’ mattress – lodged and pressing into my womb – an uncomfortable reminder of time swiftly passing me by as everyone I know gets married and has babies. Time is truly a double-edged sword.

Posted on

Babies – Boom or Doom?

In a bit of an errand rush during lunch, I was waiting for a cab, when a lady walked in front of me (carrying a baby in one arm, pram with the other hand) and flagged the first available cab.

Before I could control my instinct, I hollered (like a vagrant lunatic), “Hey!” She had obviously been aware of my presence because she turned to me to indicate that there was another cab behind that one. I did my best mime of the word “So?!” and got into the second cab. I also repressed the desire to exclaim that I had procured a hard to book last minute eyebrow appointment.

And then I wondered if I should have given her that taxi because she had a baby. To which, my internal other half responded with a resounding, “Hell no!”.

Why the hell should I give up my seat on the train to a pregnant lady just because she (perhaps) made the decision to get pregnant and endure the cumbersome 9 months that tire her out and force the rest of us (who did not make this choice) to give up our equally earned seats? In this overcrowded, overpopulated world, shouldn’t people adding to the numbers move to the back of the bus? I, on the other hand, contribute to the economy, pay my taxes – receive none of the benefits that people who happen to have had children do. Tax breaks, seats on the train, assistance in carrying stuff and even childcare leave. Childcare leave! Government servants gets 5 days childcare leave (notice not required) so that they can spend time with their children, eg: taking them to the Zoo etc… What horseshit is this? Do single people get Hangover Leave? Spa Days? No, we don’t. Instead, we’re here – stuck covering for those who have to rush their kids to the doctor, take them swimming.

And yes, I am painfully aware that I am not coming off well with this – kind of like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. She didn’t want kids all up in her business – and that’s her prerogative. I just feel that we make individual choices in our life – why are some choices expected and accepted to spill into society and not others?

♥,
Ms. Cruel Bitch

Posted on

There is no “we” in “I”.

In this corporate life, all the world’s a stage and we are supposed to be team players.

But what happens when the music is still playing and you’re the only left in the game?

I recently spent my Saturday (yes, big whoop I know, heaps of people work on Saturdays) working on a marketing campaign alone. We had (what I have now deemed) hours of useless brainstorming sessions only to settle on my original brainwave (if I may say so, myself) of an idea. Interestingly enough, after the last brainstorming  sessions, everyone disappeared. Not even a follow-up email on plan of attack of proposal, elements to be included, summary, etc…

So, there I was on Saturday, crafting out an entire marketing campaign from environmental graphics to viral advertising. This included design, artwork, execution, copywriting of extended taglines, rationale and research. Needless to say, this took me almost 7 hours. So, I emailed it out to the “team” and waited for inevitable.

The Feedback.

God help me, my blood pressure skyrockets every time I receive The Feedback. They are completely malignant emails which always start off with brilliantly vague, inclusive liners like:

  • “Can we include something about budget?”
  • “Should we say something about xxx?”
  • “Do you think it’s necessary to show that picture?”
  • “Can we find a better picture for this?”
  • “Can we put a one liner to say the pictures are dummies?”

And here would be my replies.

  • No. You could write the liner, have already included it in this email and I could put it in.
  • I don’t know. Should we? Maybe you could write it, include it in this email, giving me more to consider than just your random, hiccup of a thought.
  • Yes. That’s why I put it in. If you question its presence, please say why instead of questioning why the sky is blue.
  • Well, I couldn’t – but I’m sure you could – which is why you bothered to search for it and attach it to this email. Oh wait, you didn’t.
  • No, that makes all of us look like idiots.

 

And after all that, what I had done was deemed “good enough” – nary a word of “good job”. Oh, you cruel, unforgiving world.

Posted on

Good gracious me.

Photo0082

Well, if you take the train as I do, you would have noticed these ghastly remembrances and references to the TV show we all wish would just go away. Wait a minute, didn’t it already go away? And yet, it’s back again, right in front of my face reminding Singaporeans to be gracious.

Can’t we just let this go already and instead spend the money on “Service Staff to Speak English” campaign? Or better just, spend more money on the good ol’ “Speak English” campaign?

Instead, I spend my time waiting for the train, mortified and embarrassed to be Singaporean as we are treated like idiot children who need daft B-grade television characters to educate us on manners. I am not against campaigns to educate the public but is the only “winning” formula they think will work? Can’t we at least be a bit smart about it? Mortified!

The alternative is to embrace our lack of manners. To be proud of the fact that we must walk abreast on a footpath, not letting anyone pass. To bring to light the fact that we don’t greet strangers or thank bus drivers. To celebrate the people that faux-sleep on the train (honestly, they are Oscar award winning actors in the making – the dedication and commitment!). I say we have a “Good Gracious Me” campaign to honour the Singaporean within us – if you don’t like it, get the fuck out of our country.