So, I’m 30 years old now (dependent on who you ask) and I’ve had to admit to myself that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And since I’m a completely negative person, I took this as the end of world and accepted to become one of those lost people I used to feel sorry before (damn you, karma).
The 5 week break I had taken before didn’t help and definitely neither did the last job I attempted to integrate into my life. My mind was a constant drone of “what the hell do I do now?” and “what do I want to do in the first place?”.
Society doesn’t help either. There were definitely more people that said things like, “Didn’t you just quit your other job?” “What’s your plans now?” and “You mean you quit your job without another… again?”. And I got all defensive mostly because I didn’t have the answers for them, much less myself. But there were a few people who lauded my decision – people who told me to enjoy my time and slowly figure out what would make me happiest the most.
And that’s the keyword. Happy.
I was not happy with the other work I was doing – not that it was bad work or poor office environments – it was me. I just wasn’t happy anymore and all that whinging, definitely wasn’t helping. It was the realisation that I don’t possess the power to change the working environment (working late, crazy colleagues, unreasonable clients) but I had the ultimate power to remove myself from it.
So, I thought about what would make me happy.
- Lots of money – comes at a cost that was making me miserable
- Good job title – my work should speak for itself
- Cycling to the beach in the mornings with Dolce
- Being able to nap in the afternoon
- Being able to choose the projects I want to work on
- Being able to choose the people I want to work with
- Creating a working environment that fits me
And there it was.
I was clearly willing to work for less money, in order to achieve my sanity. When did “happiness” become a dirty word? A word that you discard once you become an adult? How many people do you know, when asked how work is, respond with a resounding, “Great!”?
If you ask me what I want to do with my life right now, my answer is short. “I want to be happy”.
So, this means I am now freelancing (pimp: job enquiries to noelle@noellelynn.com) from the comfort of my bedroom, with my TV in front of me and Dolce, sleeping, beside me. I don’t know if I’ll get paid as much as I have been with my previous jobs – but hey, I don’t have kids to feed. And even now, society tries to grab me with its ensnaring fingers and guilty whispers to push me further. “Why not start a business?”. It’s as though people can’t believe you are actually happy with so little. I really don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
Because I am happy.
GOOD on ya !! :)))
Negative? Hardly, you’re a positive cynic, but as you would already know, not many people appreciate thinkers, especially hot ones, as you’re expected to be happy & merry all the time with a permanent chick smile hanging out with the perfect people with pretty nails.
I totally feel you in this post. I too feel lost with a lack of purpose – yet I still wonder if i’ll ever find that feeling of happiness, finding that even the ‘list of objectives to achieve my goals’ – as it always fails to fill that hole.
I think that’s just what life is about. Most people are lost, but don’t stop to think outside of their routine because that’s just how the world is, preferring to get caught up in their cycles of a monday to friday, get drunk and repeat life.
You, my dear are special type of kopi. And anyone who meets you who is worth anything will see that. And I applaud your risque move to freelance – one step closer in that never ending pursuit of happiness.
I suppose life is just all the journey to find utopia, and then having a load of stories to tell at the end of the journey, especially to some small little kid people that think you’re the most amazing thing. Haha. I get that from my little cousin and it really makes me feel like I am worth something. And i’m sure your niece will attest to that!
Love and hugs,
ARESHA INNIT