I love all these people and I need them in my life but seriously, this is what I need from you.
PEOPLE WHO NEED TO TALK LESS
The Girl Who Does My Brazilian Wax
My legs are awkwardly splayed, usually before a full-length mirror (I love myself, but no-one needs to love themselves that much), I have a stranger analysing my lady bits and there’s hot wax and an incredible amount of pain involved. This is no time for small talk. No, I don’t want to explain what a “freelance graphic designer does” or what my love life is looking like. Just rip the ever-loving hair off and let’s pretend we never met.
The Girl Who Does My Nails
Why is there conversation happening beyond “Not too short, oval-shaped, this colour”? I’m already woefully aware of the state of my cuticles, we probably have a language barrier happening and yet this is the time you want to know all about my life? Not a lot is going on if I’m getting my nails done at 2pm on a Tuesday!
The Person Who Does My Hair
Ok, this one kills me every time. This is not your time to shine, hair stylists who want to point out everything that is wrong with my hair. I KNOW what is wrong with my hair. I know YOU know what is wrong with my hair. Let’s just fix it and not ruin the illusion that hair looks nothing like a Victoria’s Secret runway model’s. Thankfully I have found a hair stylist who speaks little English and knows how to make me look pretty.
PEOPLE WHO NEED TO TALK MORE
My Gynaecologist
This one may seem surprising. I love my gynaecologist because he laughs at all my jokes, we chat about all kinds of stuff while he straps on his miner hat and goes hunting. I think if someone is going to be grabbing your boobs and be all up in your lady business, you need to have the bare minimum of a conversation.
Bartenders
I LOVE chatty bartenders. Tell me what’s in my cocktail, gossip about the crazy people in the bar and of course, give me more alcohol!