Of all the Chihuahuas in the world…

… I had to get this one.

dolch

Before I got Dolce, I was certain that I wanted a chihuahua. I liked their snobbish nature, closeness to their owners and no-one else and of course, their little faces.

chis

I remember Jamie and myself doing weekend runs to pet stores but my heart never seemed to catch with any of the chihuahuas I had seen. And then, ironically, in the pet store across the road was this little brown thing that seemed to sleep all the time and wasn’t rambunctious. I went to look at her almost everyday for 2 weeks (amazing fact alone because Chihuahuas tend to get snapped up quickly). Finally, I persuaded Jamie to come to have a look at her and the minute she was in my arms, trying to claw her way up to the top of my head, I knew she was the one. Like the way you know about a good melon.

1stDay

We paid $500 for her and brought her home. She weighed about 750 grams and was positively tiny. Within a few days, she had marked her territory everywhere in the apartment, cried incessantly every night, been sat on by Jamie and dropped once.

ausDog

Her life is Australia comprised sleeping in the sun by the door, playing with all her toys at once and driving with Jamie to pick me up after school or work.

Not shown in the pictures was also her hectic schedule of chewing furniture, being dragged for walks, whining incessantly outside the bedroom door and the continual marking of territory. Finally, it was time to be shipped off (metaphorically speaking. She took a chartered puppy transfer to the airport and then, Singapore Airlines direct) to Singapore!

sing1

Dressed in her travel clothes, with her teddy and blankie to keep her company, she made it safely to Singapore to Jamie’s arms and stayed away from everyone else at Mum and Dad’s. Mum (now, Gammy) was nice enough to stay home the day after and finally, Dolce warmed up to her.

sing2

I arrived a few days later to my tiny thing and her first few weeks was kept busy with acclimatising to Singapore weather and meeting her cousin, Pepper. That still isn’t going well but we’re hoping their family relations will kick in anytime soon.

sing3

She has been here for 3 years now (turning 4 this November!) and she has developed into a dog that loves to sleep, sleep, sleep, play, swim (but only if someone carries her over the break) and being mocked through various devices. She is my pride and my burden all rolled into one delightfully smelly package. She wakes me up in the morning for tickles, lays on my laptop if she wants attention and will do anything for food.

Still occasionally marks her territory.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.

As the pop culture adage goes, “When your heart’s on fire, smoke gets in your eyes“.

The less familiar line of the song, which happens at the end is, “When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes“.

Sure, the smoke is all romantic in the beginning – the little candles lighting the dinner table, the igniting of a cigarette, the sweet scent of incense – you want to be deluded, to be mistaken – for one brief moment – to truly get lost in the moment (smoke is extremely effective in clouding of vision).

And then – there’s the other kind of smoke. The thick, suffocating, engulfing kind that blinds and brings tears to your eyes.

Hindsight comes with this momentary blurred vision beyond the necessity of eye-drops. You realise that the smoke was always the same kind of smoke. It’s the beautiful delusion we seek in the hope that when the smoke clears, the oasis is still there. And if it isn’t, we’ll cry for a bit – and then reach for a fresh pack of matches.

 

Here’s the Platters singing Smoke Gets In Your Eyes and the best use of this song in a soundtrack from the movie, Always.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGzMiqvnChk]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n2cUxZndWA]

Home + Heart + Health = Happiness?

Can the equation really be this simple? If one element is lacking – it can trust on the other 2 for support. But what if you catch yourself in a moment where 2 or all 3 are lacking?

I have a home without a house, a (metaphorical) hole in my heart and a questionable health situation. I guess the only thing I can do now is wait for the ducks to get in line. In the meantime, there’s Men At Work’s Overkill to tide me over.

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I’ll be alright
Perhaps it’s just imagination.

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away.

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It’s time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there’s pretty lights
And though there’s little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill.

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I’ll be alright
It’s just overkill.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcu7OCIqlqE]

The Caffeine or The Egg?

caffeine

This scene struck me as funny, so I took a photo of it – a cup of tea, Starbucks and a can of Coke on my desk (and yes, this is in the course of the first half of my day). It also posed a question to me: What came first – caffeine or codeine?

It is no surprise or secret that I have somewhat a dependency on sleep inducing pills (not in any Jackson/Ledger way) but is this caused by my caffeine intake over the day? Or do I drink this much caffeine to help me stay awake over the day because I am not sleeping well at night?

Which comes first? The caffeine or the egg?

The choices we make.

The concept of choices has been consuming my thoughts recently. Albert Camus said,”Life is a sum of all your choices” and this intrigues me in a mildly depressing way. For the past few weeks, I have been questioning the major choices (and thus, ramifications) I have made in my life – the decision to fly (= 2 best friends), the decision to study in Australia (= bills and debt), the decision to end a 4 year relationship (= living with my parents) and the decision to join my current workplace (= anxiety, stress, exposure).

I wonder about the shift of lifestyle had I made an alternative choice – gone left, instead of right. At the end of the day, I am powerfully aware that not making these choices would leave me with even more regret and wonder. Or would it? This is my life, these are the choices I have made – regret doesn’t spin the world back on its axis – just makes it move ahead that much slower.

A dream I had this afternoon during an unusually fleeting nap saw me losing 4 teeth. Completely freaked out, I Googled it and these were the possible sub conscious reasons:

  1. Anxiety about perception of my image
  2. Being embarrassed
  3. Powerlessness and frustration of not being heard
  4. Fear of getting older (shit, this even permeates my sub-conscious)
  5. A financial windfall

I’ve got my fingers crossed for the last point to come true.