noellelynn writes

I’ve been told I have…interesting taste in men. So, why not post about it? I’m sitting in bed watching Kindergarten Cop (no, Arnie isn’t one of those men) but this movie makes me think about Caitlin and how her name should have been Emma.

For a while now, I’ve gone off beef. Not in any Hindu way, but just general dislike for it. Cubed, steak, stir fried… keep it away from me. I don’t mind it minced or sliced VERY FINELY but generally, was so over it.

Till last night! We had dinner at The Steakhouse at Clarke Quay (which isn’t the most premium steak place as I understand it) but for the first time, I actually enjoyed my steak. I had it medium well (my stipulation is no blood) and it was perfect. Melted in the mouth. I’m willing to give cow another go.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m recuperating from a vigorous night out (damn Faye and her Jager-bombs) and am watching Satisfaction. Not many people would know of this movie but I adore Trini Alvarado in this (she plays a drummer, come on!) I liked her as Meg in Little Women and went gaga for her in The Frighteners. Plus, the Batemans rock. I am really happy that Jason is getting play again – I think it’s time for Justine to jump into the fracas.

Another one of my favourite cutie actresses is Zooey Deschanel. Love her face and quirky acting.

I’ve been having some career-specific thoughts on my mind.

Mostly everyone I’ve met in the design field here, doesn’t look like me. Many times, I’ve been mistaken for an Account Exec because I wear make-up and heels (on occasion when I can be arsed).

Generally, creative sorts in Singapore all wear black glasses, are skinny, wear skinny clothes, enjoy bright colours and for some reason all have that same cheap anti-establishment gold watch (what is up with that?). Maybe it’s my previous job (cough cough) that has led me to be particular about my experience, even though there are days when I don’t have to present and could be in shorts (read: culottes) at work.

May I just say, for “anti-establishment”, there sure are a whole lot of people dressing alike.

And there’s moi. I am having an existential crisis – who am I now and who do I want to become? Who am I capable of becoming?

I am grasping the general consensus that I lack the temerity (tenacity) to work creatively in an ad agency. And maybe I do lack the balls. Do I lack the chops though? Do I have what it takes? And most importantly, am I not doing it now?

It’s a little disturbing to be informed that I am not viewed in any Art Director capacity in my current company – regardless of the fact that part of my job includes me performing in that role (or so I thought, silly me). Do I need to be a dick to prove it? Because I am aware that I let things slide – which I know I shouldn’t. I know that they have a lot to handle and sometimes, getting things out are more important that getting it out well. Harsh and ineffective but that’s the way this company seems to work.

Perhaps now isn’t the best time to consider my place in the creative society – perhaps I should be thankful I have a job at all. Unfortunately (fortunately), my morose nature gives me foresight. I also find it interesting that when I was trying to break into a designer role fresh from my return from Brisvegas, I was offered the role of a junior AD in an ad agency.

So… is it me or is it just me here?