Why do I get all the crazy mothers?
As a single woman, without any children – I have come to realise, that I don’t have that much of a problem relating to young mothers. I have instead, realised, that they have a major problem trying to even hold a conversation with me.
Before I take this post further, I would like to say this does not apply to all young mothers. Ok, disclaimer over – start rant.
Why do I get the impression that majority of young mothers, delivered their brains out along with their babies? “An epidural and a lobotomy, please”. I recently had the great displeasure of meeting a completely lunatic mother. There is the possibility that she was already a lunatic, prior to motherhood, but in the first five minutes of meeting me, she hit me a conversation killer, that actually left me speechless.
Crazy mother (CM) sits next to me: SO, DO YOU HAVE KIDS??? (the CAPS is to emphasise how extremely loud she was. Her baby in her arms must have been deafened)
Me: (slightly taken aback): … No, I don’t.
CM: ARE YOU MARRIED????
Me: (shifting slowly away): … No, I’m not.
CM: AND YOU’RE WORKING FROM HOME?? WHY ARE YOU WORKING FROM HOME WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS???? YOU’RE SEVERELY LIMITING YOURSELF FROM MARRIAGE!!
Me: (praying a decade of the rosary in my head): ………… Are you married?
CM: WHATTT??? OF COURSE I’M MARRIED, I DIDN’T HAVE MY CHILD OUT OF WEDLOCK
Me: It happens.
CM: OOOOHHH! I LIKE YOU! I LOVE TO TEST PEOPLE WHEN I MEET THEM!
Psycho bitch alert goes off.
So, yes, while there’s a distinct possibility that she’s always had lunatic tendencies, more often than not, young mothers open up a conversation with, “Do you have kids?”
Will this make us best friends, if I do? Are you not going to talk to me anymore if I don’t? Where do we go from this question? I did receive a slight variation once, of, “Are you a mummy?”. I swear I threw up a little bit in my mouth at that one.
The first question of the conversation almost always identifies how a person validates their life. “What do you do?” is probably the most often asked question – as a lot of people do validate themselves through their work. You don’t ask someone if they have a job, though – which is the working equivalent of asking them if they had kids. It’s fine to validate your life with your family, but please don’t assume the same of everyone. Aren’t there an infinite amount of questions you can choose to ask someone to start a conversation? “So, you have any plans for the weekend?” “Do you live around here?” “That’s an unusual name, what inspired your parents to name you that?”.
I can hold perfectly intelligent conversations with many people – but I find that young mothers lack the confidence to approach a complete stranger and spark a conversation unless it’s on this ground. Once again, this is not directed at every young mother. And yet, mothers who have kids for a while, don’t ever start a conversation that way. Young mothers who have jobs or are fulfilled in other ways, don’t start a conversation that way. So, if that’s your opening question to everyone you meet, I suggest you get a hobby.
This is by no means meant to justify it, but I think that, unfortunately, it’s how these women define their value. Therefore, you’re an enigma to them. Not only because they don’t understand how value yourself; but clearly you reject the conventions.
Being 36 and single, I get the variation all of the time about being married or having kids; but until now, it never dawned on me it must have the extra added spice to a woman. Then again, as a guy, I can always deflect this instantly with a joke response “None that I know of!” I wonder what kind of psychotic looks you’d get if that were your response! 🙂
I’m a mom. That said, I pretty much hate conversing with other mothers. I love my kid. But that does not mean I want to talk exclusively about my kid (or your kid). There are so many other things to talk about!
I have two explanations for your unfortunate experience: most people are crazy, rude, stupid and insensitive all at the same time. On top of that, they assume that you are like them from the outset. When you’re not they get ruder, stupider and insensitiver.
My other explanation is that motherhood of small children does indeed drive people crazy. I sympathize with you, so I hate to say it — and I could say it to my past self as well as to anyone else it applies to — but you don’t know what it’s like. It was way different from what I expected. Better to say I couldn’t have expected it. I just didn’t realize how much losing sleep would affect me, and I’m a dad, i.e. I eventually got a break.
Moms don’t get a break. Lots of ’em are genuinely crazy, socially isolated, totally stressed out, and developing anxiety problems. Think about it: they don’t sleep and most of their time is spent talking to an organism that can’t really respond. Choose one of the following reactions to saying something to an infant: puking, pooping, gurgling, falling asleep, playing dead. If these moms interact with other adults, it’s usually with similar people.
I spent a summer as a “stay-at-home-dad” before starting graduate school; my wife and I had a new baby, a two-year-old, she was starting as a resident (i.e. she was never around), and we were in a totally new part of the country. Naturally I took the boys to the library, the playground, the park. I say boys, but only one was old enough to enjoy any of these things. Being with an infant and a two-year-old nearly drove me crazy. That wasn’t the weirdest thing though. The weirdest thing was all the women who came up to me, totally freakin’ excited to ask me if I was a stay-at-home dad. My response was “I’m not at home right now, am I?” What I wanted to say was “I never knew there were so many housewives until I started coming to a playground at 9:30 in the morning!” (added weirdness: many of them were also medical spouses)
My first year of graduate school was totally sleepless and is consequently shrouded in bizarre memories. I almost fell asleep while asking a visiting professor if he could be on my committee. I woke up just in time to explain I had a baby at home. As I said: crazy, and I’m a guy, I had it easy.
makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages