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Good Client, Bad Client.

As a designer, you tend to blame everyone else for your problems. You blame the clients, the boss, the creative briefs, the junior designers, the printers, the accounts execs (ok, it’s usually their fault), the budget, the content, the photography, etc… It’s never your fault. If all these things were in order, you would be able to produce the most beautiful work ever. But that’s the Catch-22 of design. It’s about creating something beautiful in spite of all these problems – the moment when your target audience falls in love with the product, and has no idea of all the problems and antacid it took to get that piece of work done. I believe in The Idea. A genuinely good idea rises above the follies of everything else.

So, I am now in the situation where I can’t blame the client (hey, I picked them), the boss (ok, a little self-loathing every now and then) or the account execs (I come to realise, accept and appreciate the amount of work they do) and yet, that ol’ devil called Negativity comes knocking. I have come across, what I believe to be, the Holy Grail of Clients. The appreciative client. The compliant client. The trusting client. The approving client. The paying client. In all my years of designing, I have never come across this in person. Designers, used to huddle around each other, shivering from adrenaline at 2am, whispering in fevered tones about The Perfect Client. The myth, the legend, the mirage. Could it be…? So, here’s my brief list of How to Be A Good Client and How To Recognise If You’re A Dick Client.


  1. You organise all your content into separate folders, with images labelled and captioned (Good Client)
  2. You don’t know what you want, but you know what you don’t want when you see it. (Dick Client)
  3. You choose to work with your designer on picking fonts, instead of focusing on your content. (Dick Client)
  4. You embed images into Word documents. (Dick Client) (The Devil)
  5. You appreciate your designer’s previous work and trust the direction she/he takes it to (Good Client)
  6. You need to see and be convinced that the design is going to work. (Dick Client)
  7. You don’t micro manage. (Good Client)
  8. You keep saying, “Final round of changes”. (Dick Client)
  9. You lie when you tell your designer, “It’s up to you”. (Dick Client)
  10. You pay on time. (Good Client)

(My biggest gripes are No.3 and No.4. Start writing your content instead of wasting your time with font selection. No-one’s going to give a damn about whether it’s written in Helvetica or Verdana – if there’s nothing to typeset to begin with. Let your designer design. You just stick to what you’re doing. And please stop sending me Word files that have anything except body copy in it. Embedding images in Word files wastes your time and more importantly, mine.)

I am the world’s most negative person. It’s like my brain has a positivity filter, that catches the littlest of positive thinking and says, “What are you doing here, you silly, silly thing?” I can’t remember the last time I was positive about something – truly, positive. And when it didn’t go away in 5 minutes.

I am, however, very positive (cautiously positive, is that allowed?) about my new lease of career. I am genuinely enjoying the work I am doing now – I absolutely love that I am in charge of calling the shots (in all fairness, I’m just calling them for myself… and one Chihuahua) but I love that instead of spending my hours whinging about clients, I get to drop them and move on to more stimulating work. I love that I’ve effectively stopped myself from being the person that is always complaining about work. I guess I’m fortunate enough to have skills (nunchuck skills) that lets me work from home. It’s really awesome, with a hint of claustrophobia on the side.

I now have the opportunity to work with a truly great client – and while they are most appreciative of my work – my negative spirit billows up and wonders if they’re just either being really nice or if design isn’t that big a deal to them – in the grand scheme of things. I just hope that they genuinely like the work I’ve done. It’s been a long time since I was the sole designer on any given project – and while I grew to doubt my design skills over the years, I guess it’s slowly coming back to me. Like riding a bike.

 

p.s. Don’t talk shit about my curtains in the picture above

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Mother of God.

Why do I get all the crazy mothers?

As a single woman, without any children – I have come to realise, that I don’t have that much of a problem relating to young mothers. I have instead, realised, that they have a major problem trying to even hold a conversation with me.

Before I take this post further, I would like to say this does not apply to all young mothers. Ok, disclaimer over – start rant.

Why do I get the impression that majority of young mothers, delivered their brains out along with their babies? “An epidural and a lobotomy, please”. I recently had the great displeasure of meeting a completely lunatic mother. There is the possibility that she was already a lunatic, prior to motherhood, but in the first five minutes of meeting me, she hit me a conversation killer, that actually left me speechless.

Crazy mother (CM) sits next to me: SO, DO YOU HAVE KIDS??? (the CAPS is to emphasise how extremely loud she was. Her baby in her arms must have been deafened)
Me: (slightly taken aback): … No, I don’t.
CM: ARE YOU MARRIED????
Me: (shifting slowly away): … No, I’m not.
CM: AND YOU’RE WORKING FROM HOME?? WHY ARE YOU WORKING FROM HOME WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS???? YOU’RE SEVERELY LIMITING YOURSELF FROM MARRIAGE!!
Me: (praying a decade of the rosary in my head): ………… Are you married?
CM: WHATTT??? OF COURSE I’M MARRIED, I DIDN’T HAVE MY CHILD OUT OF WEDLOCK
Me: It happens.
CM: OOOOHHH! I LIKE YOU! I LOVE TO TEST PEOPLE WHEN I MEET THEM!
Psycho bitch alert goes off.

So, yes, while there’s a distinct possibility that she’s always had lunatic tendencies, more often than not, young mothers open up a conversation with, “Do you have kids?”

Will this make us best friends, if I do? Are you not going to talk to me anymore if I don’t? Where do we go from this question? I did receive a slight variation once, of, “Are you a mummy?”. I swear I threw up a little bit in my mouth at that one.

The first question of the conversation almost always identifies how a person validates their life. “What do you do?” is probably the most often asked question – as a lot of people do validate themselves through their work. You don’t ask someone if they have a job, though – which is the working equivalent of asking them if they had kids. It’s fine to validate your life with your family, but please don’t assume the same of everyone. Aren’t there an infinite amount of questions you can choose to ask someone to start a conversation? “So, you have any plans for the weekend?” “Do you live around here?” “That’s an unusual name, what inspired your parents to name you that?”.

I can hold perfectly intelligent conversations with many people – but I find that young mothers lack the confidence to approach a complete stranger and spark a conversation unless it’s on this ground. Once again, this is not directed at every young mother. And yet, mothers who have kids for a while, don’t ever start a conversation that way. Young mothers who have jobs or are fulfilled in other ways, don’t start a conversation that way. So, if that’s your opening question to everyone you meet, I suggest you get a hobby.

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I’m An Old (New) Romantic.

Anyone who has ever dated me should be able to testify that I am not a romantic person. Or maybe I’m just a romantic person in denial. Regardless, whenever I am dragged to see a so-called “romantic” movie in the cinema, I am the person muttering, “someone kill me now” during the climatic romance scene, when all the other “regular” women are swooning.

I recently re-watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” on TV and hated it as much as I did when I watched it in the cinema. My God, that’s not even a chick flick – that’s a chick flick for chicks who have only ever had one boyfriend and still read Sophie Kinsella. Basically, the kind of nightmare chicks I avoid speaking to at events – you can spot them usually dressed in all-pink or all-white.

I also tried watching “Valentine’s Day” – and even with no expectations, that was a lower than low movie experience. “Back-Up Plan” wasn’t too bad (I’ll admit to generally enjoying Jennifer Lopez movies) if that hot Aussie wasn’t such a dud.

And then, I decided to re-watch “Dirty Dancing” for the millionth time and from the movie Johnny utters, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” – I was hugging my pillow with glee and giddiness. Now, we are talking about one of the most contrived storylines ever (guy from the wrong side, girl coming of age), set in one of the most mocked genres – the dance movie. But what the hell is it that has me acting like a 15 year old – wishing I could do that lift? Is it because it’s a movie I grew up with that makes me more prone to being the target audience? Would a girl who just turned 18 find this movie as romantic?

So, I got to thinking about movies that generally turn me into a blubbering, hormonal female.

The kiss during Garden State gets me more than the final scene, at the baggage belt. There’s something so awkward about it that makes it feel more real and in the moment. And yes, my giant crush on Zach Braff may or may not have something to do with it.

Ok, ok, Richard Gere is ridiculously hot and once again, we have the ol’ storyline of the guy from the wrong side of the tracks and a seemingly impossible love. Trouble, strife, trouble… and finally, the romantic climax. Way to go, Paula, indeed. Everyone likes Debra Winger here so no-one can be mad about this one. But it’s so contrived and god me, I love this movie. Richard Gere striding through that what-seems-to-be-a paper mill (stereotype: men in uniform) until he finally scoops her up (stereotype: white knight) and rescues her from factory mediocrity (and paper cuts).

Oh, Hubbell, Hubbell, Hubbell. You just couldn’t handle a lady like our Babs. This movie is obviously older than my time, but goddamn it, I’m bawling like a baby every time I watch it. Until today, I can’t wrap my head about the concept. He loved her, I’m sure but he couldn’t live her with? Was she too much conviction for vanilla soul? Or was her passion simply too exhausting? Did she just love the idea of being with the kind of person that was never interested in her? Even just listening to the damn theme song makes me blubber. Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line? Lovely.

Have new romance movies lost the plot – or basically, run of good plots? Everything has been done – the inter-racial relationships, (Guess Who, Our Family Wedding) the different background relationships (every movie ever made), the holiday movies (see: The Holiday and Leap Year), high school movies (John Hughes is dead, so everyone should just not bother anymore) so maybe the notion of new romance doesn’t exist. We live in a post-modern world where everything has been done (except for Lady Gaga’s very innovative meat dress).

What else is there by way of romance? It has been relegated to the lowest form of entertainment in the cinemas – people would rather watch Inception 3 million times over and discuss the spinning top than pay to watch a romantic movie and admit it. Right now, this the current Top 10 Movies in the box office:

1. Resident Evil
2. Takers
3. The American
4. Machete
5. Going the Distance
6. The Other Guys
7. The Last Exorcism
8. The Expendables
9. Inception
10. Eat Pray Love
11. The Switch

Oh, new romance, wherefore art thou?

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To Serif or Sans?

This would probably be the most on-going battle of every designer – the quest for the perfect font for that piece of work. Fonts can make or break a design (ok, so can a lot of things) but to me, it’s often one of the first parameters I set for myself. It’s the one luxury of time I afford myself – I can spend forever going through my font library to pick that right font. And that’s just work for myself.

Picking fonts for client work is a whole other ball of wax. Picking fonts for clients who have absolutely no clue about design is probably one of the levels in Dante’s Hells. It’s very easy to spot these people – they almost always use Comic Sans. *Shudder*. Even typing that out gave me the heebie-jeebies. Not just that – they don’t think there’s anything wrong with using Comic Sans. There’s no excuse to not know better – the world is so much more beautiful beyond your Microsoft Word window. The next time you’re walking around the supermarket, stop in front of the Waitrose stuff and look and how pretty fonts can make things. Waitrose typography makes me buy their stuff. Period.

I’d like to say that I’m not font-discrimanatory and that I love all my fonts equally, but that would be a lie. My taste for fonts changes like the seasons and all my work at that period of time would usually reflect that current font favourite. When I first started out, my favourite font was (of course) Helvetica. I then followed it up with a passionate distaste for it and very seldom use it now. I will not, however, contend that it’s not a beautiful font. Used properly, it’s still absolutely gorgeous.

I’ve recently had a struggle trying to convince a client to keep a serif font in the layout of a magazine. Ok, it wasn’t really a struggle because I gave in at the first request. At point do you argue the use of a serif font versus a sans serif font to someone whom you think might not understand it? There’s more to life than font selection, do I really want to clog up emails and client relationships? Why do serif fonts get such bad reputations by mainstream civilians as being old-fashioned and difficult to read? Most international magazines from Time to Vogue use serif fonts – and these are considered the cutting-edge publications of their fields. It makes the content always seem more distinguished, reputable and concrete.

Something about a magazine being typeset completely in sans serif fonts makes it feel more like a newsletter and amateurish. Of course, I’m sure there are many lovely designs out there that can disprove this. Regarding the magazine, we have reached a somewhat medium of the headlines and standfirsts being set in serif fonts.

When I dropped Helvetica as my favourite body copy font, I entered a brief sub-serif phase of Optima. I then found my new (and current) favourite body copy font in Avenir. It’s got reasonable amounts of weight, a nice, mildly low-anchored x-height and reads well when it’s reduced to a running 8point body copy. Just kidding – no client in this world will let body copy go at 8pt.

So, you can be certain that if you’ve got body copy and a lack of identity, you would most likely get the “summer me”. Next season, the “winter me”.

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The Put-Downers.

We all know these people. Hell, some of you are those people. The Put-Downers. The people that make completely unnecessary and uncalled-for liners designed specifically to make you feel like an ass – and for them to feel like a million bucks.

I recently met a new group of people, whom asked me how long I had been freelancing for. I replied, “just over a month now” and they looked at each other, laughed and said, “Oh, just a baby”.

Now – was that completely necessary? Was that observation in any way, stated for the benefit of anyone? It certainly wasn’t for my benefit. It’s like rolling your eyes and remarking, “Oh, water is so wet”. Ok, maybe not so much that – but if you really hone in on that line (as I obviously have, given my obsessive over-thinking nature), that line clearly places me in the position of “junior”, whereas the speaker, gets to assume her throne of “senior”. By that one line, she (believes) that she has claimed the throne of alpha-female at the table.

Many years ago, I was obsessed with being the alpha-female. I had to be the one with the most logical opinions, the one with the best ideas and it wasn’t until I had more exposure in my work community, that I realised there were a lot of people with opinions and ideas – and shit, some of those ideas were better than mine. So, I learn to shut up. I also learnt to relinquish the role of alpha-female to anyone who so desperately needed it and was willing to sacrifice grace to get it. I have also accepted that I do not need to prove myself right – as long as I know it to be true, is sufficient. I have also accepted that the quality of my work and behaviour speaks in far more rich volumes than my just verbally stating it.

Until anyone can disprove my self-opinion (and I want some strong evidence on this one), I genuinely believe that I am not someone who talks out of her ass, who doesn’t go on and on about herself (except on this blog, but it’s my blog, fuckers!) and am definitely not the girl who will put someone else down, just to pick myself up. And I know this with almost absolute certainty, because – I don’t need my pick-me-ups to come from anyone else but myself. As a female, I make fun of truckload of people but always behind their back – because that’s the proper thing to do. If you don’t mock anyone, I don’t think we could be friends.

Ultimately, this happens only with women. Women hate all other women – whether they’re best friends or not. Someone has inevitably talked shit about the other person. For some reason, with my recent foray into freelancing (some might say it’s the infancy stage…), I have met some women with questionable intentions. They have said strange things that were out of place, and sometimes, out of line. However, they all boiled down to the same personality – the woman that needs to feel that she is the best – or at least, better than me. Hey, if you need that kind of validation, take it – it’s yours. I promise I won’t even put up a fight.