I’m An Old (New) Romantic.

Anyone who has ever dated me should be able to testify that I am not a romantic person. Or maybe I’m just a romantic person in denial. Regardless, whenever I am dragged to see a so-called “romantic” movie in the cinema, I am the person muttering, “someone kill me now” during the climatic romance scene, when all the other “regular” women are swooning.

I recently re-watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” on TV and hated it as much as I did when I watched it in the cinema. My God, that’s not even a chick flick – that’s a chick flick for chicks who have only ever had one boyfriend and still read Sophie Kinsella. Basically, the kind of nightmare chicks I avoid speaking to at events – you can spot them usually dressed in all-pink or all-white.

I also tried watching “Valentine’s Day” – and even with no expectations, that was a lower than low movie experience. “Back-Up Plan” wasn’t too bad (I’ll admit to generally enjoying Jennifer Lopez movies) if that hot Aussie wasn’t such a dud.

And then, I decided to re-watch “Dirty Dancing” for the millionth time and from the movie Johnny utters, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” – I was hugging my pillow with glee and giddiness. Now, we are talking about one of the most contrived storylines ever (guy from the wrong side, girl coming of age), set in one of the most mocked genres – the dance movie. But what the hell is it that has me acting like a 15 year old – wishing I could do that lift? Is it because it’s a movie I grew up with that makes me more prone to being the target audience? Would a girl who just turned 18 find this movie as romantic?

So, I got to thinking about movies that generally turn me into a blubbering, hormonal female.

The kiss during Garden State gets me more than the final scene, at the baggage belt. There’s something so awkward about it that makes it feel more real and in the moment. And yes, my giant crush on Zach Braff may or may not have something to do with it.

Ok, ok, Richard Gere is ridiculously hot and once again, we have the ol’ storyline of the guy from the wrong side of the tracks and a seemingly impossible love. Trouble, strife, trouble… and finally, the romantic climax. Way to go, Paula, indeed. Everyone likes Debra Winger here so no-one can be mad about this one. But it’s so contrived and god me, I love this movie. Richard Gere striding through that what-seems-to-be-a paper mill (stereotype: men in uniform) until he finally scoops her up (stereotype: white knight) and rescues her from factory mediocrity (and paper cuts).

Oh, Hubbell, Hubbell, Hubbell. You just couldn’t handle a lady like our Babs. This movie is obviously older than my time, but goddamn it, I’m bawling like a baby every time I watch it. Until today, I can’t wrap my head about the concept. He loved her, I’m sure but he couldn’t live her with? Was she too much conviction for vanilla soul? Or was her passion simply too exhausting? Did she just love the idea of being with the kind of person that was never interested in her? Even just listening to the damn theme song makes me blubber. Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line? Lovely.

Have new romance movies lost the plot – or basically, run of good plots? Everything has been done – the inter-racial relationships, (Guess Who, Our Family Wedding) the different background relationships (every movie ever made), the holiday movies (see: The Holiday and Leap Year), high school movies (John Hughes is dead, so everyone should just not bother anymore) so maybe the notion of new romance doesn’t exist. We live in a post-modern world where everything has been done (except for Lady Gaga’s very innovative meat dress).

What else is there by way of romance? It has been relegated to the lowest form of entertainment in the cinemas – people would rather watch Inception 3 million times over and discuss the spinning top than pay to watch a romantic movie and admit it. Right now, this the current Top 10 Movies in the box office:

Oh, new romance, wherefore art thou?